Gifted Gift-Giving Givers and Don't Feed The Mouth That Bites You

The Quivering Chin (Mom) recently remarked on Facebook that she has 3 unopened bottles of Eskimo Joe's Juke Joint Jazz (a local meat rub that is not Alaskan).  She then states that she has so many because they were probably going to be stocking stuffers.  This reminded me that I haven't told you guys that my parents have amazing abilities at giving presents.  Thought I'd give you the highlights*:

• Spatula
• Can of Peas
• Almost every kind of barbecue sauce you can find at the store
• A print out of a movie review of a Jim Carrey movie
• Scooby Doo everything
• Cartoon ties
• A Yanni t-shirt
• A patriotic Sylvester and Tweety t-shirt
• Can of Raisin Brown Bread (I got this in March and was told they forgot to give this to me for Christmas)
• Stuffed or Clay Teddy Bears (This represents many, many gifts.  There was about 4 years straight that they would bring me a bear every time we saw them.  This has no meaning, and they have never asked where they all are.)
• Year You Were Born books (I've lost count as to how many of these things I've received.  I did get the exact same publication on 2 adjacent birthdays.  This also includes What Famous People Share Your Birthday type books.)
• Jeff Gordon paraphernalia (Several years ago, I started to watching NASCAR as a way to have something in common with my in-laws.  My parents heard this news and presented me with a Jeff Gordon t-shirt, a Jeff Gordon ball cap, and a Jeff Gordon beer stein for my birthday.  The Wife actually fell on the floor laughing because her whole family HATED Jeff Gordon at the time and she told my parents that I probably hated Jeff Gordon more than I liked any other driver.  Hallmark Pop (Dad) then explained that I "could just trade it with my buddies".)
• A birthday card with a muscular, well-oiled male posing on a rocky beach in a Speedo (because I also liked to work out)

*Note: all items listed were received after I married The Wife.

Zombie tip:
I've been following a television show on AMC named The Walking Dead.  It's a gripping story of a group of survivors currently and occasionally surviving a zombie apocalypse.  The comic it's based on is much better.  Anyway, the point here is not to plug this.  The point here is to help you to prevent some of the mistakes made on the show (no worries, these are not plot related spoilers).

1. Everyone fights.  Leaving it to the menfolk is dumb and suicidal.
2. If you are lucky enough to have a crossbow with bolts or a bow with arrows, NEVER LEAVE A BOLT/ARROW BEHIND!  Pick up after yourself, reuse, repeat.
3. STOP PUNCHING ZOMBIES IN THE FACE.  People fight all the time.  Fighting very often leaves bloody knuckles.  And if the science of the show can be believed, zombies don't have lips.  This means that zombie's primary weapon is bared and ready to transfer his fluid into you.  You already know to stay away from the pointy parts of swords and the blasty ends of gun barrels.  Quit trying to cut your knuckles in a zombie's mouth.