The Heart of the City and "Learn how punch, after you learn how keep dry!"

The other day while returning to my car after work with a coworker, a young man rode up to us on his bicycle with a messenger bag in his lap (you're doing it wrong) and interrupted our conversation with, "Skooze me, do you guys like jazz?"


"No."


"Oh.  Okay.  Have you ever heard of Chet Baker?"


Exchanging side eyes, we both say, "No."


"He has about 200 albums out and played with, like, Miles Davis."


"Neat." "Cool."


"Okay.  Thanks."  And then he tried to ride away, but he slipped off his pedal caught a bike in his nuts.  Then he rolled away...slowly.


This episode reminded me of how much I love downtown and its rich characters (they're really the 99%).  Here are my top three downtown story crushes in order:


#3 - I work in a building that has a local bank branch on the ground floor.  To advertise their whereabouts and loan specials, they post posters in a decorative glass poster encasement just outside the doors.  At this particular time of year, they had a poster with an attractive, ethnically ambiguous female smiling next to the free checking marketing.  Well one of the downtown street roommates (99 percenter) found this to be too good to be true.  So looking deep into the poster's eyes, he whispered what I imagine to be the most romantic of pillow talk while playing one of the most violent games of pocket pool I've ever heard of.  All while my friends and I stood there with the expressions of train wreck watchers.  The next day there was still the teardrop smudge of his nose, mouth, and chin on the glass blurring her face.  It was a beautiful reminder of love in the city.


#2 - I was filling out the application to get a library card at the downtown library.  A gentlemanly woman wearing clothes too warm for the season strides in with intensity and a hint of panic.  She asks the matronly librarian if she had seen a man with a forgettable description.  Something about a hat and a backpack.  She could have just described Short Round from Temple of Doom for all I know.  Anyway, the librarian says that she hadn't seen anyone that matches that description.  Then the panicky woman explains the reason finding this man was so important by telling all that could hear, "Well, I was supposed to meet him here.  We were supposed to f%*k."  I tensed up trying to not react before she walked away and I broke the pen in my hand.  It was a beautiful reminder of love in the city.


#1 - A coworker and I were coming back from lunch.  We heard yelling and screaming from a singular voice and identified the source as a borderline feral lady with some amazingly pinchable meth cheeks stomping down the middle of a busy downtown street.  There were lots of "f%*k you"s and the like, but we were more concerned as to why this human was so irate.  We looked up and down the street and finally saw a gentleman conspicuously trying to be inconspicuous mall-walking down the sidewalk and we figured this was the focus of the rant.  Then we heard very clearly from Meth Cheeks, "You loved me last night, you could love me again today! F%*K YOU!!!"  My coworker and I jumped and cheered and quickly ran inside.  It was a beautiful reminder of love in the city.


Zombie tip: Lots of websites will try to sell you on the point that weapons are the most important item on your zombie preparedness list.  This site is not one of them.  Find something blunt that has multiple purposes (hammer, lug wrench, Mag light, wrecking bar, folding shovel, lead pipe, candlestick from the conservatory,...) and run away.  Avoidance of the threat is the best defense.  Blades have a chance with getting stuck in your attacker and you would hate to cut yourself, wouldn't you?  Guns draw attention whilst requiring a supply source of ammo to be of any use.  Not saying those are bad choices if that's what you've got, but they'd be better used for defending yourself from cannibal bandits or for hunting.


The most important thing to consider is where are you getting clean water or food?  If all you saved are bullets, you might as well eat one.  TV and Movies seem to diminish the importance of food, water, and sleep.  Doesn't sell.  During your avoidance defense, you've got to be prepared to replace the calories you are burning and stay hydrated.  Save your non-perishables, learn to hunt, fish, trap, and forage, start a farm.  Dig a well, harvest rain water and clean it, bug out to a spring, stream, or spring-/stream-fed lake, build a water tank.  Or join a band of cannibal bandits and pool your resources.