Captain Conundrum and The Wet Work

Holy crap.  This deployment has made me rethink my education choices of my youth.  I currently work for a person with a college degree.  He currently makes twice as much as me.  My 9 year old daughter has a better mastery of the English language and my 5 year old daughter has much better critical thinking skills.  This captain in the United States Army will not live by one of my mantras: Stop.  Think.  Look around.  Then talk.  I say it all of the time because, well, that's what a mantra is.  This captain of the United States Army makes up words.  This captain of the United States Army will not read.  This guy will say aloud his thought processes in the form of questions to those of us in his section, fully expecting us to fill in the blanks.  Oh Sweet Marmalade, How Big Those Blanks Are?!  I've told this captain of the United States Army that I think I should volunteer at the medical clinic, because I'm pretty sure they could use a crutch too.

I've started writing down just a small smattering of words and phrases this captain of the United States Army has graced us with:

"abstronomical" astronomical

"exkoozenary" qualifying for exception

"signinnify" signify

"rooeen" ruin

"linereeage" lineage

"sholldjers" soldiers

"thoroull" thorough (This one is fun because he asked how to spell it as in thoroullness and actually argued because he "could've sworn that it had an L".)

"Kytigeronda" Ticonderoga (Now I can't tell you why, but the word Ticonderoga comes up in conversation several times weekly.  It has been one of my highlights every time he attempts this gem.)

"I never did join any sororities or anything like that."

"Obama didn't win the popular vote.  He only won the electrical votes."  (I followed that up with "I'm checking Google right now, but I think he got the plumbing votes though.")

I'm not going into his tactical choices and questions.  Just know, they're jaw-dropping.

Basically, I've come to this conclussion: This captain of the United States Army did not graduate college without someone else actually doing the work for him.  So I guess that means he's pretty resourceful; however, I'm growing tired of being one of his resources.

I will try to update this word list in the comments as new, amazing words and -isms as they come along.

Zombie Tip:

When choosing a zombie-destroying weapon, keep in mind that fluid transfer is a real threat.  Creating distance and/or a cleaner kill should, at least, be a factor in your selection process.  Firearms and other projectile weapons are the obvious choice for creating distance (unless, of course, you should use an avoidance defense as mentioned in a previous article), but remember you have finite resources.  Properly used blades could provide for quick, mid- to short-range kills, but you must be mindful of the removal of the blade so you don't infect your entire attack area with medium velocity gray matter splatter (reference CSI and Dexter).  Blunt weapons would limit the amount of splatter (results may vary), but shorter range may or may not limit your effectiveness and ability to discourage to death multiple attacker.  Point is, find your weapon, practice as often as practical, and keep the zombie juicy juice out of your holes.  Food for thought.